Before I gave birth to my daughter I worried that I wouldn't be able to handle the challenges of motherhood, particularly as someone who has bipolar disorder.
What I worried about most was my sleep schedule. I've done extremely well on Lithium, but it’s always been combined with 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night and biweekly therapy sessions. As a new mom I knew I wouldn't have time for as much sleep or therapy as I was used to.
But when I held my daughter for the first time all of those fears melted. And my daughter turned out to be one of those easy babies. She’s happy nearly all of the time. She follows a schedule that she set for herself and she follows it to the T. Up until this last week she slept from 9 p.m. to 7 a.m. most nights. She crawls to me to let me know when she needs her diaper changed. She coos and babbles and gives sweet kisses. In a nut shell, she’s perfect.
But even perfect babies face obstacles, such as teething and ear infections. This week these obstacles came to life at bedtime. And then again at midnight, 4 a.m. and 6 a.m.
By 7 a.m. when I got up for the day I felt worn out. Beyond worn out.
On Tuesday morning I fed my achy, teething baby. I rocked her back to sleep and she napped just enough for me to take a shower. But not long enough for me to get dressed. Thank God she likes her swing. Running late, I threw on a dress and realized much to my demise that I had accidentally given away one of the boots that I had planned to keep to the church garage sale. I didn’t accidentally give away the wrong pair of boots, rather I gave one boot of the pair I intended to keep and kept one boot of the pair that I intended to give away. So, I’m now the proud owner of a mismatched pair of tall black boots. Frustrated as my little one started crying again, I ripped off my mismatched boots and slid on my black Toms.
After dropping my daughter off at daycare I had to rush off to a downtown boutique to get some cutline information for my column about boots. Even in my frazzled state, I had to smile at the irony. I showed up at the store with no makeup and half dried hair.
I offered up an explanation for my disheveled appearance.
“My baby is teething and has an ear infection,” I said to the store manager as she gave me the information I needed.
“Oh, I’m a mom I totally understand,” she said. “I have two little ones so I've been there and am still doing that.”
By “still doing that,” she meant surviving on less sleep than seems humanly possible. For me becoming a mother seems a lot like becoming a super hero. I've found myself capable of things I never knew possible. There are no depths to the love I have for my daughter. But some mornings my superhuman mom powers don’t kick in.
As I said goodbye to the woman in the store she turned to me and smiled.
“Have a good day,” she said. “We appreciate you.”
Those three words “We appreciate you” spoke volumes to my soul.
To live a life of gratitude, sometimes it’s important to see that others appreciate us. In my sleep deprived state, I needed to hear that I was appreciated. This woman’s small act of kindness in sharing her gratitude to me enabled me to face the day with a spirit of gratitude instead of a spirit of defeat.
We appreciate you. Who can you share those three powerful words with today?
