People often refer to Kansas weather as bipolar. And that description
is 100 percent true this week. (By Kansas I also mean Kansas City, just to
clarify.)
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| This seriously was this weeks weather forecast. WTF!? |
Yesterday the high was 72. I’ve been going for runs after
work. I’ve had enough energy to cook when I get home AND play with my daughter.
Life has been great during this January spring.
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Doing my nails is a sure
sign that I'm hypomanic.
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Perhaps I’ve been a little hypomanic, too. I sold a lot of things
online and in return did a little shopping, organized my closet, did my nails,
and of course thought of tons and tons of stories that I can turn into to blogs
and/or chapters. I thought of story ideas to pitch for freelance assignments.
My mind was flowing like the soda fountain at Sonic during happy hour.
Alas today’s high is 48 with clouds, which, to be fair, isn’t
bad for January in Kansas. But the clouds have messed with my mojo. (I also may
have forgotten to take my anit-depressant last night.) My mojo has been messed
with. This morning I closed and locked the door to my office so no clients would walk in on
me crying. (I manage a supportive living apartment for clients who have mental illnesses and while I strive to "keep it real," there are limits on just how vulnerable I want to be.)
But if I am going to keep in real, this is what bipolar weather looks like for a bipolar
person disorder.
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This is what depression looks like.
It's the most genuine selfie I've ever
taken.
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It looks like tears in black and white. That’s what it looks
like. That’s what if feels like. But just like the weather in Kansas, the depressive
darkness that I feel right now will pass. And I have been giving the chance to
live, an opportunity that seemed completely out of reach 10 years ago.
I have been given the chance to live AND a little life to
care for and steward.
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It's hard to believe that this precious little one belongs to me.
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I have been given the chance to live AND a career where I
get to help people and live out my passion.
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I feel honored to be part of the team at
Mental Health America of the Heartland,
providing hope for other consumers of mental
health care.
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I have been given the chance to
live AND amazing friends and family to share that life with.
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My daughter and sister, two of the kindest,
most beautiful people you will ever meet.
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The bottom line is I have been given the chance to live.
Sure, I’m living with bipolar disorder and it’s hard. How hard? Harder than you’ll
ever know if you aren’t experiencing it. It’s hard, but that’s life and thank
God I’ve been given the chance to live.
