Math, quiet books, and a pause for the mommy we lost too soon

I always thought I wasn’t good at math. That’s why I didn’t stress about getting B’s in my math classes during high school. I’m just not good at it, I thought.

In reality, I just never did my math homework. In college, where I cared more about my GPA, I always did my math homework and magically got A's in the two math classes I had to take. Math, it turns out is all about what you put into it.

So, I decided to take the same approach when it comes to Pinterest. I recently joined a Quiet Book Page Exchange group. I didn’t even know what a quiet book was until my friend Betsy posted about the group on Facebook. It turns out a quiet book is the mother of all Pinterest toddler projects. 

One of the many examples of quiet 

books on Pinterest.

I decided to join the Quiet Book Group, despite my lack of craftiness, because, you know, YOLO, right?

Yesterday I headed to Pinterest to “research” just exactly what I had gotten myself into. I typically only Pin on my phone, but yesterday I decided to hop on at my desktop. This might have been a mistake. The Pins are bigger on the desktop and there are so many more of them. Minutes turned into hours.

I noticed at the left of the page Pinterest offered suggestions on other pinners I should follow. I started clicking yes to those suggestions, mostly crafty people who I am friends with on Facebook. Then all of the sudden I paused as a familiar face popped up on my suggested follow list. It was my friend, Terry.

Terry died April 2013. Authorities ruled her death a homicide/suicide, her husband being the perpetrator.

I think of Terry often, even though we hadn’t hung out in years before her death. It’s as though her smiling face and compassionate spirit are embedded on my heart. When I hear stories about domestic violence homicides, she’s the one I think of. When I hear about the lack of mental health resources for veterans I think of her husband. I think, and wonder, and wish that things could have ended differently.

Terry hadn’t created very many boards on her Pinterest page before she died. I clicked and looked through her sparse pins. It looked as though she died before she even got started really pinning. Her Pinterest just another reminded that she died too soon.

Even though I can do math, it’s still not my thing. Maybe because I know that life, unlike math, isn’t an equation we can always solve. No matter how many times you go over the circumstances, some situations don’t make sense. They will never be solved.

This the point where I would normally go into a tirade about public policies that protect women from domestic violence, or legislation that would ensure veterans get the mental health care that they need, or societal attitudes that would eliminate the stigma of mental illness. But not today. Today I’m just going to pause.

You see, in real life, loss isn't the punch line to an argument. In real life, loss is a void that has no end. 

Life, like math is what you put into it. And I’m going to put everything I have in mine to honor my friend Terry, a mother who left us too soon. 

Set your goals in putty not stone

Goals. We get so excited about them in January, but then by February we are kind of “meh,” and ready for Valentine’s chocolates.

I made three goals for 2015:

1. Eliminate my credit card debt. I never used to have credit card debt. I never used to have debt at all. I was one of those lucky (or hard working depending on how you look at things) people who didn’t have to take out student loans. When I did acquire debt I limited it to an auto loan. But, you know, life happens. So this year my first goal is to eliminate my credit card debt.
2. Run a half marathon. I ran a half marathon in 2013 right before I got pregnant. Once I realized I was pregnant I stopped running. The doctor didn’t tell me to but I worried I might fall, or get dehydrated, and water aerobics or mall walking seemed to be more preggo-friendly alternatives. But I do love to run, so I put run a half marathon as my number two goal.
3. Publish a guest blog once a month. In 2013 I also started blogging more and then stopped when I got pregnant. In a lot of ways, life kind of stopped when I got pregnant. I seemed to be in this alternate universe of fear and anxiety over what may be going on with the fetus cooking inside of me. My daughter, thank God, came out just fine. She is remarkably calm and easy going. When she was first born every one attributed her good nature to me. You, know because I’m such a calm mama. I wondered when people said this if they actually knew me at all. I’m the opposite of calm and my pregnancy was the opposite of stress free.

Now that my daughter is alive outside the womb I am able to exhale and write again. My third goal for 2015 was to have a guest blog published once a month. Some of the sites I’d like to have my work published on include, Healthyplace.com, the Huffington Post’s Stronger Together section, and basically any other mental health blog that will have me.

This past weekend I as I flipped through a copy of Psychology Today at a coffee shop, I noticed a pull quote that said successful people are flexible with their goals. 

Turns out set your goals in putty,
where they can be easily adjusted, leads
to more success than setting them
in stone. 

This is great news for me because one month into the year I seem to be failing at all of mine. I’ve made more charges to my credit cards, and would likely have to charge any fees associated with actually running a half marathon. As far as submitting work to mental health websites, I’m working on it, but not as much as I could.

So here are my flexibly revised goals for 2015:

1.  Stop accumulating credit card debt.
2. Run.
3. Write.

My revised goals are simpler, more achievable. I feel more successful already and for that I think I deserve some of that Valentine’s candy I wrote about at the beginning of this blog.