This damn bipolar weather

People often refer to Kansas weather as bipolar. And that description is 100 percent true this week. (By Kansas I also mean Kansas City, just to clarify.)

This seriously was this weeks weather forecast. WTF!?

Yesterday the high was 72. I’ve been going for runs after work. I’ve had enough energy to cook when I get home AND play with my daughter. Life has been great during this January spring.

Doing my nails is a sure 

sign that I'm hypomanic. 

Perhaps I’ve been a little hypomanic, too. I sold a lot of things online and in return did a little shopping, organized my closet, did my nails, and of course thought of tons and tons of stories that I can turn into to blogs and/or chapters. I thought of story ideas to pitch for freelance assignments. My mind was flowing like the soda fountain at Sonic during happy hour.

Alas today’s high is 48 with clouds, which, to be fair, isn’t bad for January in Kansas. But the clouds have messed with my mojo. (I also may have forgotten to take my anit-depressant last night.) My mojo has been messed with. This morning I closed and locked the door to my office so no clients would walk in on me crying. (I manage a supportive living apartment for clients who have mental illnesses and while I strive to "keep it real," there are limits on just how vulnerable I want to be.)

But if I am going to keep in real, this is what bipolar weather looks like for a bipolar person disorder.

This is what depression looks like. 

It's the most genuine selfie I've ever

taken.

It looks like tears in black and white. That’s what it looks like. That’s what if feels like. But just like the weather in Kansas, the depressive darkness that I feel right now will pass. And I have been giving the chance to live, an opportunity that seemed completely out of reach 10 years ago.

I have been given the chance to live AND a little life to care for and steward. 

It's hard to believe that this precious little one belongs to me.

I have been given the chance to live AND a career where I get to help people and live out my passion. 

I feel honored to be part of the team at 

Mental Health America of the Heartland,

providing hope for other consumers of mental

health care.

I have been given the chance to live AND amazing friends and family to share that life with. 

My daughter and sister, two of the kindest, 

most beautiful people you will ever meet.

The bottom line is I have been given the chance to live. Sure, I’m living with bipolar disorder and it’s hard. How hard? Harder than you’ll ever know if you aren’t experiencing it. It’s hard, but that’s life and thank God I’ve been given the chance to live.