How to Handle Bipolar Triggers

When it comes to recovery, you have to know your triggers in order to overcome them. Last week I wrote a blog about bipolar being a deadly disease. The blog brought up a lot of triggers for me. After I posted it, I felt emotional drained and depressed. I found myself sobbing as my mind raced with fear.

Bipolar suicide is the source of this trigger. And there is a huge part of me that never wants to hear or think about people who have bipolar disorder and die by suicide. I don’t even want to hear or think about the people with bipolar disorder who attempt suicide, or partake in suicide behavior, or commit acts of self harm. In fact, many days I don’t want to think or hear about bipolar disorder at all.

That may seem like an odd thing for someone who has chosen to make a career as a mental health advocate. But the truth is I live in the tension that exists between my desire to live in a state of blissful denial, and my desire to fight for recovery and change.

When I choose to face my recovery head on, I’m forced to see that I’m only two weeks of missed doses away from hospitalization. I am strong. And determined. And smart. And kind. And all of the things that I want to be, but I’m also 100 percent reliant on mood stabilizers.

Reading about people who have died after getting off their medication scares me because I wonder if I’m only a couple of weeks worth of bad choices away from that fate. I can’t ignore these stories and statistics because they are real.

I also can’t ignore them because I want to live a world where people take this illness seriously. Somebody has to be a voice shouting out in the wilderness— declaring that bipolar disorder is not some cleaver adjective to describe your moody step sister. Bipolar disorder is a real illness that kills people.

But bipolar disorder is also an illness from which you can recover. I want people to know that as well. I love my life. With the right dosage of lithium, I’ve been able to do all things I wanted to do. I have a job that I love, a beautiful daughter, the best friends that anyone could ask for, and tomato plants growing on my deck. Sometimes I have to pinch myself.

So, how then should I deal with these triggers?

My coping mechanism thus far is to first and foremost let it bleed. I enable myself to cry and acknowledge my fears. Then I slowly talk myself off the ledge. After that I surround myself with friends who love and support me. And I listen to Touch of Grey by the Grateful Dead.

I will survive. And so will you.