The facade of having it all together

I wanted to write a blog to kick of Mental Illness Awareness Week, but I couldn’t decide what to write about. I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways mental illness is simultaneously stigmatized and trivialized, but that’s not what I decided to write about tonight.

As I was getting ready to write, a blog that Erin Brown posted depicting what she “really” looks like popped into my head.

In the age of blogs and social media, we posts our best self. The us where our tummies are tucked in, our blemishes are hidden with concealer, and the coffee stains on our teeth are photoshopped out. We present our best self, our tidiest houses, and well polished ideas.

Even when I share a vulnerability or weakness, I package it in a nice tidy blog with a motivational take away for the reader.

But the truth is life isn’t always nice and tidy. And neither is my apartment.

This is what motherhood really looks like.

That is what my sink looked like when I got home from work. And there is no excuse for the situation going on in my bedroom corner.

I likely need an intervention, but it doesn't fit into my schedule.

Hoarding is a new diagnosis in the DSM-V. I take solace in the fact that best friend, who is a licensed therapist, assured me that I am not in fact a hoarder by the clinical definition.

What I am is a new mom, who happens to have bipolar disorder, and has a lot on her plate. I’m juggling a lot of balls these days and if something is going to drop you can bet your ass it won’t be my daughter’s bedtime story.

I share these pictures of my messy home not because I’m proud of them. (I was actually serious when I asked my friend if she thought I may be a hoarder.) I’m sharing these photos because the truth is no one has it together all of the time, including me.

When you have a mental illness it’s important that you prioritize your health. Sometimes that means letting the dishes go and that’s okay.

I did end up doing the dishes tonight.

Ahh, serenity.

I actually wrote this blog in my head while I washed the dishes. And the take away is this: Sometimes life is messy. You do what you gotta do. Apparently posting a photo of my dirty dishes is what it takes to motivate me to clean the kitchen. Whatever it takes.